Meet my "baby" ..

A few months ago, before dumpling#2 popped out, I got myself a new "baby"

It's a Brother Project Runway Limited Edition Sewing Machine. Quite a mouthful really. I call her "Simang". She's a worker. I love taking her out for a spin. Although I am no diva dressmaker (Just ask my classmates back in high school, and they'll tell you how I barely pass Home Economics by the skin of my teeth). A few close friends will even tell you that they've witnessed me picking a fight with the sewing machine in school, and I may have kicked it a few times too (sorry sewing machine). For me it always felt like the machine was making crappy stitches on purpose. Like it sort of "knew" that it was me kicking her, and she's giving me out crappy stitches in return.


But as they say, "necessity is the mother of all invention". I found new love for crafting and sewing when I became a mom. Giving my child something that I've made with my own hands makes me feel like I'm giving them a tangible representation of my love. Even without a sewing machine, I was making things for Adam, laboriously sewing every stitch by hand. Some were born out of necessity, like these duckie pants from two years ago...

The little dumpling's class will sing "Tatlong Bibe" for their Linggo ng Wika program, and he needed yellow pants.  I didn't want to buy him something that he'll be using just once, so I found a few fabric scraps (actually to call them fabric scraps is misleading, they were just rectangular pieces of cloth on its way to being used as basahan :D), some cotton balls, a little dye, and some elastic, and made him duckie pants! (They were supposed to be pants but I forgot all about adding seam allowances so they came out looking like duckie leggings! I also made him duckie feet that fit snugly over his crocs.

I had a lot of cotton balls left, so I made him a little duckie butt pocket too! Total cost: 20 pesos! (i bought some orange dye for the duckie feet).

As a kid, I didn't like how our crayons came with a flimsy cardboard box. i've broken lots of crayons because the box's bottom gave in under all of the crayons weight. I especially hate it when my colors end up making marks on the inside of my backpack, all because the crayon's box got torn up. So when my little dumpling was to enter preschool, I wanted to give his colors a "home" that will be sturdy enough to last the whole schoolyear. So I made him these:

It's a crayon roll! I found loads of tutorials for this floating around all over the internet, and I knew I could make one of those by hand. This crayon roll was a hit. I had a lot of friends asking me to make them one, but I had  like 10 million puncture wounds and a few thousand calluses just handsewing this one crayon roll, I couldn't possibly bear to endure 10 million more. Maybe now that I have Simang, I might actually make them some. 

Click! Click!

I've been taking pictures of dumpling#2 every single day to chronicle her first 365 days of life. Here are a few of my favorite shots.

day 3

That's the duo taking a little "sun time" by our tiny hospital window. I love how real and unguarded this photo is.

day 21

The picture on the right was taken 4 years ago. Yep. That's Dumpling #1. Fast forward to the present, I was woken up by a wailing dumpling#2, took one quick look at her mushed up face and knew the scene is eerily familiar. I knew that I've seen it before, and I was amazed by how vividly I remembered that random moment 4 years ago when I asked my husband for his cameraphone so I could take that picture. not only did dumpling#2 's knotted facial expression look exactly like her big brother's, she was also lying on the same exact blankie that he was lying on when he made that face! I immediately grabbed for my camera and took a few snaps before calming her down and voila! It's photo dejavu! :D If you could take for granted that the blankie on the left obviously has more signs of wear... it doesn't look like much time has gone by between the two photos!

Crafting 101

I am not a crafty person, but I can be crafty-ish. I  have my moments. Inspired by the gazillion flower bows and headbands tutorials floating all over Pinterest, I've been making lots of hairbows for my little girl. But this one is my hands down fave.

Nothing is cuter than an oversized flower on a dainty little face. Except perhaps an even bigger flower will do the trick, eh?

The Little Dumpling's Story

This is kinda personal.
Really personal.
I guess writing it down, or at least its attempt will provide a release of sort.
Maybe it would be a testament to my healing.

My little dumpling is special...
That's one way to sum it up so almost everybody will understand.
Our family has known for quite some time now.
We have been in and out of nursery schools, special ed schools,
We have worked closely, and have grown to love our doctor, therapists, and teachers..
We have been on that emotional rollercoaster that goes hand in hand with learning that
your child is different.

My little dumpling is special.
And we struggled with it, lived through it.
We tried to be stubborn about it.
We screamed, and cried, and fought,
and cried some more,
We prayed, and loved, and found joy in little triumphs...
But mostly, we cried.. a lot.

It's hard to accept that your child will not have as easy a life as the one you've had.
That he might need to give so much more of himself, and work harder, be better
Just to get the same opportunities given to the next kid in line
It's hard. It breaks your heart...
It surely broke mine.
But it needed to be put back together ASAP if I am to help my little dumpling at all.
So my heartaches, and the tears, they all had to be put aside.
I need acceptance if I want my child to live with what he's given, and not be defined by it.
I allow myself a few moments to cry... mostly at night when he's asleep
And then I welcome the morning with dry eyes and an eager smile.

I try to do my best every day, but I still have a lot to learn.
Mistakes to make.
Heartbreaks to endure.

As a mother..
As his mother,
All I want is for him to see the world NOT as a cruel and judgmental place where people who are different can never find happiness.
All I want, all I wish for... is that I leave this world knowing that I have shown him love and trust and peace and bliss, so much so that he would not be afraid to explore the world on his own.

My little dumpling is special.
He is also smart.
He is quick to love.
He is happy.
He does not hold grudges.
He is a big heart.
And finding out that he is not like other kids did nothing to change how much I love my boy.

His therapists and doctor believe he may be ready for a regular preschool.
Last week he came home from his last day at special ed school.
It feels like a lifetime ago, when i first handed him over to his new teacher,
and now that chapter's closing and we're starting a new one.
I am not deluding myself into thinking that the worst is over,
that from here, everything else will be an uphill climb.
But I am allowing myself to celebrate this little triumph.
At least today, things are starting to look up.
And I couldn't be more proud

Alpha you turned one month this week, you precious tiny thing. You're the cutest little thing I've ever seen. I want to nibble at those fat pink cheeks! And that button nose!!

At one month you're..

Still soooo tiny. You've gained more than a kilo since being born, but your 0-3 months clothes still are a little loose on you.
You hate motorcycles, especially when they pass by during your nap. You scream and whine, and then fall back to sleep a few seconds later.
Basically you hate sudden noises, like any normal baby would... but you're the first baby I've seen who is startled by the sound of her own fart! Makes me laugh. everytime.
You smile more often now, although still not enough... I love love love seeing toothless grins. I just can't get enough.
Your brother likes to play with your toes, and when he does, your eyes get wider and your eyebrows are in knots. If you could talk you might've said something like, "I do not like being poked at, but because you're my brother, I will tolerate it just this once."

Dear Alpha, we can't tell you how much happier we have been since you joined our family. Your daddy adores you. I adore you. And your brother, he loves you too. He might not be able to say it, but he does. I see it when he runs to your crib when you cry. When a stranger comes and picks you up (they're friends), your brother sits close by and watches them. We all love you. We are all in love with you. And we love seeing you grow and show a few snippets of the kind of person that you will become. Happy one month Alpha!

1 month

Has it been a month already?
My body has kinda healed, but I'm still a bag of bumps and lumps.
I still look pregnant (I still live in my pregnant clothes)
Breastfeeding has become easier, thank heavens for that.
I no longer cringe with fright when I have to do my number 1's and 2's
And dumpling #2 is starting to grow some flesh here and there.
She's starting to wear real clothes too, (you know, the ones that go over the head and snap at the bottom)
Although she still wears those standard white ones , the robes with tedious ties, pretty much everyday.

Yeah, so maybe it's not that difficult to believe that a month has come and gone already.

And yet, I still feel like I haven't done much since the baby came. There's still a lot of messes. And dishes. And laundry. I still can't keep up. At night I crawl to bed exhausted, though I haven't done much really. Oh yeah, I was busy raising two kids.... that's reason enough to be bone tired, right? right! lol!

I'm still pretty much feeling things out, trying to get my swagger back. taking a few minutes here and there to maybe read, or enjoy a cup of coffee, or blog... (although this might not take long, I can hear a tiny baby waking up right about now.) yep.. right on cue. it's her feeding time, so she says.

what i've been up to..

I wanted to start a blog to help me flex that writing muscle, and also because I wanted to carve a few minutes of the day for myself. Writing has always been a release for me, so I figured starting a blog and maintaining it would be a breeze.

I didn't think it would be that hard.... to take a few minutes of the day for myself... to write... and blog... I should've known better. I am the girl who sneaks in a few bites of breakfast in between prepping my son for school... I was never known for my excellent schedule-keeping skills. I should've known keeping a blog would take a bigger effort and dedication than just a tiny whim.

So... I never found the time to update my blog. But I found the time to add another dumpling to this family of 3. I have a baby girl, she's 3 weeks now. Her name is Alpha and she's just adorable.

I have more on my plate than usual, but this time I am driven to keep writing. For myself. A stay-at-home mom with 2 kids, I need to get a life too you know? And since bar-hopping or late night soirees are out of the question (yikes!), I think blogging is just the thing for me.

So.... I'm diving in again. (I know, I didn't even skim the water the first time I was here).... but here goes nothing...