Pre-school and rainy days

So the dumpling started preschool. I've been chewing on my nails in panicky anxiety waiting for that dreaded first day.  I've been snowballing so much worry about the little dumpling in his new school that I am just relieved that day has come and gone. We're still standing. Nothing much has changed. And boy am I grateful. The fact that nothing has changed means that he's not regressing. We're still on the same page. I'd take that as a victory.

He waits for his turn on the slide. He looks at me in confident triumph when he conquers a new playground equipment.  Although he needs his yaya to stay inside the classroom with him, he participates and does his schoolwork on his own. Just last week, during recess, he asked his classmate for a hotdog. What? No prompts? It just seems so overly simplistic, but for me, that's a milestone. We might be starting on a snail's pace here, but I know we'll get there. In my heart of hearts I believe that this little dumpling can do anything. Be anything. There's not a grain of doubt in my mind about that.

Just this morning, he kept prying the door so he could "go rain" (TRANSLATE: he wants to go outside and play in the rain). My reprimands were only delaying the inevitable. To have some sense of control over this whole rain playing thing, I made him wear his raincoat. (he didn't object.. which is a win because he didn't like the feel of the raincoat on his skin. I was seriously considering giving it away since I didn't think he was going to use it.) The next 15 minutes after that was pure magic. We jumped on rain puddles (he won't take no for an answer, momma has to jump too), counted flowers, threw pebbles, acted silly. He lifted his gaze to sky and closed his eyes as he let the rain drops patter on his tiny cheeks. I am lucky to have my cameraphone just at that moment to capture that one moment of pure bliss.

Dear Adam,

The only way to love you is to love all of you. ALL.OF.YOU. You are unique. As is each of us. And one day you'll see that the world will open up for you and embrace you the way I have embraced your whole being. I love you.



Peace, love, and drooly kisses,

Golde

To the man who told me I was "beautiful, but not so much"

You should know I didn't love you for your macho papogi pick-up lines. That first love letter was so ridiculously brash that it almost comes full circle and becomes endearing. Or maybe you spiked my soda (kidding), or the roller coaster sick spell was not making me think clearly. ... Or maybe, you already knew me enough to know if you told me I was "beautiful, my eyes sparkle like a thousand stars, blah blah blah", I would've kicked you in the shins in a heartbeat. Yeah, maybe THAT.

I just want to tell you you're awesome. Just ask Adam. You're his hero.
If I have to do it again, I'd still give my heart to you as easily as Alpha gave you hers. In case you didn't know, you're her first love.

I love you dad. Happy Father's Day! See you tomorrow! Let's celebrate then.

P.S. If anybody here is interested what the rest of that most awkward pickup line ever written says, it's this: "You're beautiful, but not so much that it's all you see. That it becomes a distraction from all the other good things that make you who you are."

Open for Business!

My shop is now open! I can't believe I finally did it! After almost a year of planning and scheming, I almost couldn't finish the last hurdle, which is to actually set up shop. A big chunk of me just wanted to bolt. thank heavens for awesome friends, and an awesome bestfriend who are there to give me the confidence boost when I need it.

Thelittledumplings shop is such a big piece of myself, I'm almost too scared to put it out there for everyone to see.  I sure hope people who drop by my shop feel the love and attention I have put in every piece I've made, and come out of it feeling happy, whether or not they buy stuff or not.

I am blessed to have super cool super artsy friends! Sometimes I wonder why they were friends with this simple klutzy dumpling momma in the first place. But they are, and I'm sooo greatful! Mindy runs her own events company, and her events are whimsical and perfectly captures her clients' visions. She was my sounding board from the beginning of this project until the end. I love her to pieces. Michelle, has her own blog, muses and things, which she writes with her other super cool friends as well. She created the super cool little dumplings logo. Don't you think they capture Adam and Alpha perfectly?

See the resemblance?


Check out dumpling #2

Uncanny! More than anything, I am grateful for my husband, who brings out the best version of me I could possibly be. At this point, I'm not thinking about the sales or anything. I'm grateful for the interest, the likes, and the kindly messages everybody is sending my way.  And I hope they leave my site feeling happier and more creative, whether or not they buy stuff. 


Peace, love, and motorboat kisses
Golde

Hello summer! Goodbye Summer!

We haven't even soaked enough sunshine, and now summer's almost over! A new schoolyear is lurking in the corner, and all I want to do is milk these last drops of sunlight for all its worth! With the new baby and the crazy summer classes, the past two months passed by in a blur.

I'm going to miss putting those chubby cheeks under that ruffly bonnet..

...and the extra snoozes that last 'til noon!

I'm going to miss pooltime snuggles ...

... and seeing my little dumpling do his happy dance.

And nothing says summer child more explicitly than teeny tiny "old man" hands...

Hello Summer! Goodbye Summer! Promise next year, we'll soak up really good our tan will last until Christmas.



 our first decent family picture

On being the cheese that stands alone

Summer is almost over. Adam's summer classes are almost done. Regular preschool is about to begin. It's something I have mixed emotions with. On the one hand, I am happy and thrilled that my dumpling is moving on to a regular preschool. On the other hand, I feel pretty dreadful and anxious that we might be a little in over our heads. I am blessed to have such wonderful therapists and special ed teachers, who, for the past two years, have taught me a lot about my child, and made me comfortable in leaving him to their care, for at least a few hours of the day. Not only are they trained to handle extraordinary kids like my own, but they love being in their company. They share my happiness and excitement with the nitty gritty of it, they are as thrilled as me when my dumpling reaches a milestone.

The little dumpling with his teddy (far right). Taken during his new school's first day of summer class.

Now that we're moving on to a new school, I feel that I do not feel as secure without that safety net.  Being around teachers and therapists, and waiting in the lobby with other moms and dads and grandparents and househelp who are more or less dealing with the same ordeals I go through with my child every single day, pretty much makes up most of my friends. They are my support system. They listen, and they understand. 99% of the time, they have been through the same stuff I've been, felt helpless and close to giving up like I have. Their disapproving eyes do not steal disapproving glances when my child flaps and kicks and spins his way around the room.  Instead, it feels like I have  10 extra pairs of eyes, that look at my child with adoring awe, as we all try to be in his shoes and feel and see how he feels in order to understand him more. I have 10 extra pairs of hands where my own might not reach him on time, if in case he trips or is about to land very badly during one of those perilous devil-may-care pirouette.  Being with them every single day is a safe place for me and my child. There is no judgment. No condescension. No awkward conversations. We would laugh at somebody who comes in with dishevelled hair, because her ponytail got screwed up while chasing after her ADHD child. She would laugh with us, and maybe even for a second, forget how tired she is. She wouldn't mind laughing with us about her messed up hair. After all, she knows we've all been there. Some of us might even have messier manes than hers. We are our own little tribe. We share the same heartaches, rejoice in our little milestones other parents who do not belong in our tribe may otherwise overlook.  We will hold each other's hand when one of us is close to tears and feel like she just couldn't be strong enough. We remind each other of our blessings, of our tiny successes, of our strengths.  If we had gnats in our hair, we'll pick those out of each other's heads too, I bet. We are our own little tribe.

The little dumpling and me (the kid on the left with a funny hat), and some of my tribe members. Taken during last year's summer class.

I just feel incomplete, like losing a limb, now that my dumpling has switched schools. Of course, my tribe is happy for me. They will listen to my experiences and provide supportive encouragement. They are as happy as I am, but at the same time share the same fears that I have. Some moms who've done it offer their advice, and those moms who are yet to be "released" from special ed class, listen with perked anticipation, as they eagerly wait for the day when they will be sharing their experience with the rest of us. I'm sure other parents love their child as much as we love ours. But I think something about raising a child who is different, breeds a stronger, more resilient mother. You would need to don this armor and learn to bare your fangs at people who obviously don't know any better. You wouldn't learn how to do that if the child you have isn't "special". Without my tribe, and being in the midst of other "regular" mothers, I could feel myself tiptoeing around, and feeling my way into the water so to speak. It's not that I am ashamed that my child is not like the rest of them. Heavens, no. For me, it feels like this information is intimate. You don't approach a stranger and tell them at once that your son has ASD.  It's like telling a complete stranger that I'm wearing a thong under these pants! (for the record, I'm wearing granny panties. Under my pajamas. At 11 in the morning.) You just don't spill it out like that. And I still haven't found the perfect time to spill it out.  It's during these times that I miss the comfort of being around other people who are just like me.

In my dumpling's new school, I'm the cheese that stands alone. Sometimes I find my own corner and guard myself from the rest of them by being sooo deeply engrossed in a book. When I find myself in harmless chit-chat, I keep the questions coming.. about themselves, and their children, in the hopes of evading questions about me or my son.  I know I will have to open Pandora's box sooner or later. Maybe, I just want to give them a chance to get to know my child for who he is, what he's like, and not for what he is diagnosed with.   There's no shame in that.

On being the cheese that stands alone, I can't say I like it.. but I am comfortable in it. I like my inconspicuous corner reading a book. I am comfortable writing in a blog with 0 AWESOME COMMENTS and greets me every morning with BE THE FIRST FOLLOWER!  Writing for me is therapeutic, bold even.. The fact that I am writing all this, out there, it can either be read by anyone anywhere some time in the near future or not read by anyone ever! But I am still writing. Who knows, maybe I'll find a new tribe here.

All the pretty flowers

Alpha is sooo lucky to have a fashionista cousin in the States, because a few weeks ago, she received all of this.

Some dresses even had tags on them. Most of them don't even show signs of wear! I for one am not too partial about dressing my dumplings in hand-me-downs, because seriously, during the first year, they grow insanely fast. So I  pare down my clothing purchases to just the essentials. You could just imagine how happy my inner Scrooge was when we got surprised by all these pretty dresses! Alpha gets to look pretty, and it didn't cost me a penny! Score!

As a small gesture of thanks, I sent her these:

I've been crafting like a crazy lady, stocking up on these felt flowers before I officially open my shop (it's a scary and exciting experience, racking my brain cells to a pulp as I try to get all "crafty" and "creative", but that's another story)

Seriously, there's no way for me to best the clothes bomb she gave Alpha, but I really wanted to give her something. I hope she likes it.

A hair piece to match her every wardrobe. What little girl could say no to pretty flowers all lined up in a row.

And in case you were wondering why there are more flowers than the actual headband itself, it's because of this:

They're detachable! You can switch them out, in case you want something different later! A girl needs a lot of options, you know. :D

Whoa! that couldn't have been 3 months!

This month came by too fast for me. I feel like I'm not taking enough pictures. I'm not spending enough time with this little bumkin. It's like those 3 months were space warped into the length of an eyeblink! When did she grow all that hair? And look at those chubby arms! How did that happen?

It wasn't until I looked at this picture that I realized just how fast she's been growing. Although I am fortunate enough to stay at home full time to look after my kids, I still feel like I'm missing out on a lot of things. I have a lot on my plate right now and I feel like I'm spreading myself too thinly. I hope this is just all in my head, but I sincerely doubt that... especially when the little tadpole is giving me this look.

Boy do I feel guilty. Time to catch up on the snuggles.